Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
