I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
did i walk over a car last night?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
