so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
