you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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