Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
