I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize