her vagine was all disorganized.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
