She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize