Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
