I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
