First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
