I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
