i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
