you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
