we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
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