dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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