Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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