I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
