you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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