sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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