What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
