We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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