Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Randomize
