he shaved USA in his pubs
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
