If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
