I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
