Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
