i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
