Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
