i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Come on in and take your pants off
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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