So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
