My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
