i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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