Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
