And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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