Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
