the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
