FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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