she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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