trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize