mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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