there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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