To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I think my fart just growled at me.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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