I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
