Just fell off a train. Bad.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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