Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
