I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
