so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
