Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
