You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
you are never too drunk for berry picking
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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