I love black thongs
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
