i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
