woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
