All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
