jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
