WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
