Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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