Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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