i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
