you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize