I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
