I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
