I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
