I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
