just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
