Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I think I sprained my soul last night
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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