Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
