Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
